haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
