I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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