Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
