ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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