you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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