I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
