youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
