i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
