i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
