you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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