my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just found puke in my bra..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
