lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
