I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
