Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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