Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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