my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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