that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
