Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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