Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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