There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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