Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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