I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
