i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
