I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
