So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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