Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
