It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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