i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
