Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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