god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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