So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
