you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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