I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
