You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
