i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
