so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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