Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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