Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
