Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
