no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
