google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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