how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
