This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
