I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
