discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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