I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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