Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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