well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
