Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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