did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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