I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
