Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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