Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
