seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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