she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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